I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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