this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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