in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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