There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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