i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
