ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
