i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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