that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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