Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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