STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
