Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
