Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
my penis made a compromise with my morals
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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