did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
