i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
