if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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