i just google imaged poop.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
