Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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