he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
