at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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