Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
