I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
