mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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