p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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