Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
