I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
