Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
