I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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