Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize