I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
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Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
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He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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