Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
