Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
