remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
