i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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