update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
