so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
