i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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