Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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