Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
