I puked a lego.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.