i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.