I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?