it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
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can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.