Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.