just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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