I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize