do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
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She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
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I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.