Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
