you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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