im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
