We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize