I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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