Screwed.edu
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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