If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
