Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i've created a new STD.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
