Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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