Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
