I forgot how hot balto sounded
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
