After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
