thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
