Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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