I need to stop coming to work sober
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
