mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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