His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
