I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
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I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
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Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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