I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
