Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need to calm my uterus...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
