i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
