So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
