I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
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He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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