He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
