How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm always down for nudity.
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