sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
