go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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